my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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