How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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