five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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