So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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