I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
