I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
