Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
