it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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