I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
