i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize