I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The air was thick with penises
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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