Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
