Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
