What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
