Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I need moral support for this bender
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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