I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
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