i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
