I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
