I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
