she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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