hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
