i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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