First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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