I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
