i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
