can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
