Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
