Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
