She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
