got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
