Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
