it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
