I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
