i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
bring money and cleavage
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
