some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just invented taco cereal.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
