I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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