Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
