I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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