I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Drunk is not a location!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize