how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
