obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
