And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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