Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
