I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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