You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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