i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
