HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
