He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
