Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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