Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
