My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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