So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize