also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
