Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My Sexting was not on an AP level
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
