We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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