He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
