Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
