it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize