My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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