Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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