Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
