8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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