can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
