weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
