i need an iv and a liver transplant
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
