Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
