R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
