Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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