Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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