moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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