i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
