I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
