Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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