you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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