my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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