Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
