pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
