so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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