i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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