Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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