Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
