someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
