I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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