my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
