Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
