covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
