I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
