gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
